My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
