I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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