I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
