he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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