so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
