I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
