Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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