This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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