it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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