I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
