The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
