Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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