Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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