Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
