I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
