covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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