i need an iv and a liver transplant
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize