he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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