I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize