my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
