Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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