well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
