Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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