well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
