Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
