Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize