nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
