good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
