Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
