I wish my penis had an off switch
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
