I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
