If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
