ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
ttyl tear gas
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
