dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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