haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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