i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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