So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
