After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
