I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
