Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
