I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
