Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
