So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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