Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
