I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
