Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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