His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
