Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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