Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
