did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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