fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
