How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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