I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
ok first of all what the fuck
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