Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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