I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
