How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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