our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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