Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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