she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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