Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
