so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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