I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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