he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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