Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
