Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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