you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
