i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
