Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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