If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
