i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
