I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
