I wish my penis had an off switch
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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