His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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