Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
