U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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