just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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